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I’ve been seeing a lot of these types of lists (seen on the left and below my 7 point critique) floating around Face Book. Some have good info but many don’t take in to account a lot of things:
1. Many tip lists are based on blaming the person who was assaulted. It’s usually called “victim blaming”; something I don’t like because the person might identify as a survivor. And the responsibility for an assault not to occur is left on the person assaulted.
2. Most tip lists don’t take into account that most sexual assaults happen by people known to the person assaulted: relative, friend, boss, teacher etc. Most tip lists refer to strangers assaulting people, most often women.
3. Most tip lists are geared toward straight (heterosexual) communities. The tips often mention men assaulting women. They don’t take into account that sexual assault happens in straight and LGBTQ communities and that peoples of all genders and races assault and are assaulted.
4. Sexworkers are never taken into account in these mainstream tip lists. Tips are geared toward peoples deemed contributors to society which sexworkers are not. And sexworkers are seen as there for the taking. Sexually assaulting a sexworker is seen as an oxymoron in this twisted society.
5. Sexual assault tip lists exclude those who are incarcerated. Seventy-thousand sexual assaults happen every year in American prisons, 60% of which happens via guards assaulting inmates. These tips are geared toward those who are not incarcerated.
6. Such tip lists hint around consent as opposed to naming it, and if they do they lack a break down of what consent is. And sometimes they use the word “No” instead of “YES!”.
7. Tip sheets never name Rape Culture, or acknowledge that we live in one, or the need for educating people about Rape Culture.
Lets look at this list which is aimed at the attacker with a tongue and cheek tone that has some problems.
I don’t have all the answers and I might have missed, or not thought of, many things. If you have any thoughts please comment below the post or email me.
1.Don’t put drugs in peoples drinks in order to control their behaviour.
This can happen at a club, a bad date, or by a long time friend or relative. So, I think #1 is OK.
2.When you see someone walking by themselves leave them alone!
Years ago when talking with some members of Toronto Native Youth, a group of politically active Native youth in Toronto, I learned about a very important book, The Will To Change by Black feminist theorist bell hooks, and some male ally tips, one tip being similar to #2.
We talked about us being men of colour and how when we walk at night we cross the road if a woman is walking on the sidewalk alone. It was not prevention but allyship. We cross the road so as to not have the woman feel unsafe. Same goes if we are on the subway; we move to another car or to the end of the car if we are alone with a woman on the subway at night.
The problem with tip #2 is that it again points to the scenario of a stranger assaulting someone on the street and ignores the fact that most assaults happen at home, at work, at school etc. by someone the person being attacked knows.
3.If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them.
This tip again points to the stranger scenario. If sexual assault happens in, or near, a car it is most likely to be on a date whether business or personal, or on a family trip with a relative, or ride given by a neighbour, or a school bus driver…
The side of the road attack is real but it happens more on TV shows like Criminal Minds and in movies.
4.If you are in the elevator and someone else gets in, don’t assault them!
This has a little bit of the stranger element to it but it’s also a real thing. Many people are assaulted in their home residence (building) elevators by neighbours and building employees.
5.Never open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
This is victim and survivor blaming. It puts to onus on the victim and survivor leaving an entry for their attacker even though it is aimed at the attacker.
6.Use the buddy system! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
This is total bullshit that is based on a buddy system where people are supposed to always be on guard as opposed to society educating peoples about, and challenging, rape culture.
7.Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
I’m not a fan of the humour being used here but it’s bang on. This is one of the most realistic scenarios: a “friend” raping someone.
8.Dont forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they’re awake!
What this is not saying is that many longterm partners rape their significant other while they are sleeping. NO consent is rape whether you are married or in a long term relationship.
9.Carry a whistle. If you are worried you might assault someone accidentally you can hand it to the person you’re with so they can blow it if you do.
The carry a whistle advice is again based on leaving the responsibility on the person being attacked as opposed to teaching people about, and challenging, rape culture.
10.DON’T ASSAULT PEOPLE!
Truth!
Below is a video of an essay about rape culture that I recently presented at a conference:
“They’re looking for that white guy who’s disappeared but the 800 Missing and Murdered Aboriginal women in Canada don’t matter,” said my friend Stefoknee while we were hanging out this weekend.
It was an important and honest comment.
It’s true that Tim Bosma, a white man from Ontario, Canada, is all over the news. Rightfully so. He’s missing. Everyone who has been murdered or goes missing should be given media attention.
But it doesn’t work out that way.
North American media has a history of highlighting missing and murdered white people, women in particular. In terms of women going missing some call it Missing White Woman Syndrome. The recent case of three women–Gina DeJesus, Amanda Berry, Michelle Knight–held captive in a basement in Cleveland, Ohio is a perfect example.
The Cleveland Plain Dealer wrote 36 articles about Amanda Berry, a white woman, and 19 about Gina DeJesus, a Latina woman of colour, during the 10 years that they were missing.
That’s almost double the coverage given to a white woman.
Not surprising.
We don’t have to look far to see the same thing happening on the stolen land now known as Canada. Recently, the media was saturated with news about the suicide of Rehtaeh Parsons, a young white woman who was gang raped and decided to end her life after much humiliation by her rapists and her community.
Parsons became a national tragedy. What happened to her was sad, wrong, and horrible. Her rapists should be punished. Her case should be shared and learned from. And rape culture has to be acknowledged, exposed, talked about, and challenged.
But no one was questioning why the Parsons case was given so much attention. Hundreds, if not thousands, of women are gang raped every year in Canada. Why did Parsons case become a national story?
Parsons was white, young, pretty, and middle class.
Parsons became Canada’s new national tragedy.
Parsons became the new Jane Creba.
December 26, 2005 saw Jane Creba, a young white woman, lose her life to a stray bullet on Yonge Street in the middle of the day during Canada’s busiest business day: Boxing Day. It became known as the Boxing Day Shooting and Creba became Canada’s national tragedy.
The then Mayor of Toronto, David Miller, marched up and down Yonge Street demanding an end to violence. He never marched around Cherry Beach where many sexworkers have been killed and dumped. He never walked with activists protesting the murders and disappearances of what is now 800+ Aboriginal women. He never spoke to the media about the countless women of colour who have been killed in the city he ran for years.
Why?
Canada cares about young, white, pretty, middle and upper class women.
White men run everything so of course Tim Bosma is a priority in the media at the moment.
Apart from the 800+ Missing and Murdered Aboriginal women, proof enough that the media cares about white folk more than anyone, I’ll give a few examples of women drowned out by the white woman syndrome practiced by media.
Chantel Dunne
A year after Jane Creba was killed by a stray bullet 19 year old Black woman Chantel Dunn was also killed by a stray bullet in Toronto (2006). Dunn was a second year student at York University and was shot while sitting in a car. Her killer has not been found.
Have you heard of Chantel Dunne? Did Dunne get the same media attention as Jane Creba? Did she become Canada’s national tragedy?
Stephine Beck
Whiteness is not only about skin it’s about class and privilege. Not all white folk are middle or upper class, and not all white folk have the same privileges (other than skin privilege, of course) as middle and upper class white folk. Stephine Beck was a white sex worker who was murdered by Wayne Ryczak in 2007.
Ryczak was given 1 day in jail for killing Beck.
One day!
Why? Wayne Ryczak is straight, white, makes $75 000 a year, and belongs to a Christian church. He matters. Sexworkers don’t matter in this society. Stephine Beck, a sexworker, did not matter.
Have you heard of Stephine Beck? Did Beck get large amounts of media attention? Did Beck become Canada’s national tragedy?
Bridget Takyi
Bridget Takyi was a 27 year old mother of two boys brutally killed by her ex partner in Toronto, January 2013. She was on her way to work when Emmanuel Owusu-Ansah stabbed her several times and burned her body leaving it unrecognizable.
Have you heard of Bridget Takyi? Did Takyi get large amounts of media attention? Did Takyi become Canada’s national tragedy?
There is a whiteness of remembrance in media and society that has to be challenged.
Aboriginal women and women of colour are affected by violence at higher levels than white women. Aboriginal women and women of colour matter. Aboriginal women and women of colour deserve the same media attention as white women. Aboriginal women and women of colour are people too.
Below is a poem, Shane It Isn’t Fair, I wrote in 2008 about this topic. It was published in the 2009 YU Free Press Feminist Issue:
I recently noticed this poster (see left) on Face Book by Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women about the month of May being Sexual Assault Awareness Month. The slogan is Sexual Violence Know More. Catchy and well put.
Wikipedia says that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month in the United States.
I say every month should be Sexual Assault Awareness Month!
Sexual Violence happens everyday to peoples of all ages, abilities, classes, races and genders with some people being more vulnerable to sexual violence than others. What are you doing about it?
I say educate, share, act!
Educate yourself. Share your info. Act in different ways to stop sexual violence.
My writing is my activism. Here are my latest actions toward stopping sexual violence:
This is an essay I recently presented about poetry combating rape culture:
This is a poem I was recently commissioned to write about the Charter of Rights and Freedoms:
